


Lost & Found

by ThisIsTheWay0804



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Eventual Relationships, F/M, Gen, I'm a mess and I'm sorry, Including Characters, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, and relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-17 21:41:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28732134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisIsTheWay0804/pseuds/ThisIsTheWay0804
Summary: What if Anakin had been more affected by Dooku's lightning at the end of AOTC? What if he wasn't able to stop the Count's final blow to his master? How would things have changed?This is an AU story that picks up at the end of and right after the events of AOTC. Anakin thinks that the death of his master might tear him apart, especially after just promising his mother that he wouldn't fail again.In the Council's eyes, Anakin's reaction to his master's death further validates their concerns about him and attachment. This leads them to the conclusion that he will require a few more years of apprenticeship.Meanwhile, Jedi Knight Ahsoka Tano believes that she is ready to take on a Padawan. Little does she know what the Force has planned.And of course all rights to Ahsoka, Anakin, and everything Star Wars go to the brilliant George Lucas and Disney.
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, Anakin Skywalker/Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala & Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 15
Kudos: 57





	1. Critical Juncture

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thank you very much for clicking on this story. This is my first endeavor in writing fanfiction. I am by no means an expert writer, nor do I consider myself that good at it in general. I just had an idea that I thought would be cool to explore.
> 
> I'm entirely open to criticism, ideas, thoughts, etc. 
> 
> Just please give me more than, "That was bad." Or, "Could be better." I really do want to try and improve my writing and make content that others enjoy reading as much as I do. 
> 
> Some background info so you know what you're getting into:
> 
> \- Ahsoka is 24 years old at the start of this story, and she was trained by Master Plo.  
> \- Anakin and Padmé never confessed their love for each other and don’t share romantic feelings. They end up being very close friends, brother and sister type vibes.  
> \- Will definitely follow some Canon, but will obviously be different considering Ahsoka is 24 and older than Anakin, who is 19.  
> \- Plo Koon and Obi-Wan would often get assigned missions together; thus, Anakin and Ahsoka were familiar with each other. They would butt heads sometimes given their personalities and stubbornness. They were acquaintances, not great friends.  
> \- This story will mainly be told from Anakin’s perspective, but not solely.
> 
> That's about all I have to say. I hope you enjoy Lost & Found!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Anakin blames himself...

Anakin was sitting in the mess hall aboard one of the Republic’s new Cruisers that seemingly came from nowhere. He was seated alone in the corner, staring straight ahead at a durasteel wall, his face blank, eyes glazed and red-ringed. The only remnant of any emotion being the dried tear stains on his cheeks.

Activity bustled around him as the newly instated clone troopers celebrated the recent victory on Geonosis. Some were in groups, regaling tales to their brothers of their first battle and how many droids they might have scrapped. Others were simply eating in silence or cleaning their weapons. And some, like Anakin, were remembering who they lost.

Anakin could feel their triumph, their excitement for the future, their curiosity about their new generals and commanders. He could feel what they were feeling, yet he couldn’t formulate coherent thoughts or put words to the emotions raging within himself. 

His father, his brother, his mentor, his _family_ , was gone. Dead. He would never again get to hear his master’s quippy remarks or witness his grace with a lightsaber. He would never again get to listen to his master’s soothing voice after one of his nightmares or drink one of his famous cups of tea after a challenging mission. He wouldn’t get to see Obi-Wan anymore, period. And it was all his fault. Anakin wanted to scream. He wanted to curse the Force and its supposed will. He wanted to run away from the Order and its rules. Just hide out in some corner of the galaxy where he could never fail anyone again. He wanted to do and say so many things, but all his mind would allow him to do was relive his master’s end over and over again.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_2 hours earlier_

“We’ll take him together. Go in slowly on the left—”

“No, I’m taking him now!” Anakin heard his master’s attempt at conveying a tactical plan; he really did. Still, the only thing he could think about at that moment was all of the innocent people and Jedi that Dooku was responsible for killing that day. Anakin would not allow those deaths to be in vain.

So Anakin rushed towards Dooku, lightsaber ignited. He got only a few steps closer to Dooku before both his master and the Force screamed in warning, but Anakin wasn’t quick enough. 

He had already hit the rough wall of the built-in hanger before he registered the blistering pain all across his body. He had been struck by Force lightning, he realized. The distinct odor of burning flesh filled his nostrils as he moaned in pain. He could vaguely hear the sound of lightsabers colliding and people speaking, but his brain was too addled by the combined effects of the lightning and his head bouncing off of the wall to make anything of it.

When he was finally able to muster enough strength to move just his head, he witnessed something truly horrifying. Dooku’s lightsaber had just come down to strike his master, _Obi-Wan_ , straight through the heart. Anakin immediately tried to probe the oh so familiar part of his mind in which his bond with Obi-Wan resided, only to find nothing. It was severed. Shattered. Destroyed. 

He lay there, face frozen in shock. The Force around him had reeked of death before, but this hit him on a level that he did not know possible. There were too many emotions running through him to try and focus them all into something useful, so he tried to find just one. His first instinct was to rely on and call upon his rage as he had after his mother’s death, but that wasn’t what Obi-Wan would have wanted. He would do his best to honor his mentor and not give in to the darkness. 

So he took a deep, shaky breath. _There is no emotion. There is peace._

Another breath, _There is no death. There is the Force._

Anakin never understood nor agreed with much of the Jedi Code, but he would try for Obi-Wan.

He wouldn’t have to try for Obi-Wan if he had just listened and not gotten his master killed, a dark part of his mind provided. No, he couldn’t allow that side of himself to take hold.

After attempting to release his emotions to the Force, Anakin stood, summoning the lightsaber that Obi-Wan had acquired from their reinforcements in the arena to his waiting hand. He settled into a defensive position using Form VI. Anakin didn’t usually fight with two blades, but he could handle Jar’Kai, and it seemed to be his best bet against the Count’s Makashi given its balance. 

“I have just killed your master, young one,” Dooku taunted, turning his attention toward Anakin, and all the while stalking towards him slowly with his blade at the ready. “I can feel your suffering, your anger, your fear, do not bury them within yourself. Use them!” 

Anakin was beginning to feel the darkness within himself rising and trying to make itself known when he realized that his foe was attempting to distract him. Anakin caught sight of Dooku’s raised left hand and, with the help of the Force, raised his blades at a blinding speed to form an X and block the lightning.

Dooku lowered his hand, which caused the stream of blue lightning to stop. “I see you at least have the mind to learn from your mistakes. Although it is a shame that those mistakes came at the price of your master’s life.”

“I will not indulge in your mind games Dooku,” Anakin responded, well aware of his shortcomings and faults.

Dooku seemed to be finished with psychological warfare. He got within striking distance and began his sophisticated attack. His footwork was flawless, as was required of those who chose to use Form II, and the speed at which his blade was moving became too much for Anakin quite quickly. Within the first 10 seconds of the duel, the hilt of the blade in Anakin’s left hand was sliced in half.

Anakin retreated a few steps away from Dooku, slicing a power cable along the floor as he did so. The lights in the corner of the hangar that they were currently occupying began to flicker and then went completely dark, leaving Anakin with nothing to see but Dooku’s red-tinted face. Dooku raised his blade above his head, Anakin mimicking his action, and began another flurry of attacks.

After another 15 seconds of dueling, Dooku created an opening in his defenses and cut through his right arm at the elbow. Not a second later, he was flung to the floor by a Force push, landing next to his lifeless master. Acting on pure instinct, he huddled closer to Obi-Wan to try and find comfort in a presence that was no longer there.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Present_

He was brought out of his self-torment by the feeling of a familiar presence coming into the mess hall. He looked toward the entrance when he placed the presence and met eyes with the person.

Padmé.

Master Yoda had arrived just in time to save Anakin from his own death and engage the Count in a duel. Unfortunately, Dooku was able to escape by using the Grand Master’s selflessness against him when he tried to bury Anakin and his dead master under rubble from the ceiling. Anakin almost wished the Grand Master hadn’t bothered now.

After Dooku escaped, Anakin had laid his head on his master’s chest sobbing, mumbling sounds that couldn’t be considered words, wishing that Obi-Wan would just wake up and tell him to be mindful of his feelings. It took Padmé coming in and physically prying him away from Obi-Wan to bring Anakin back to reality and take him out of his overwhelming grief. Shortly after that, they were transported to a gunship, which had then brought them to the Republic Cruiser that they were now on.

“Hey,” Padmé said, rubbing her right arm with her left hand as she approached the table he was seated at. She was still dirty from fighting the creatures in the arena and falling out of the gunship on Geonosis. “How are you feeling?”

“Lost,” came Anakin’s monotone reply, his eyes fixated on the wall again.

That was the feeling he had been trying and failing to identify earlier, lost. 

Padmé sat in the seat next to his and clasped his left hand between both of her own. “It wasn’t your fault, Anakin.” She assured, seeming to know what he was thinking, but her absolution of his blame had the opposite effect of what was likely intended.

“How would you know?” He snapped, turning his head to see her surprised gaze. “How can you say that it wasn’t my fault when you weren’t even there? I was arrogant and reckless and it cost Obi-Wan his life. It should have been me!”

“It shouldn’t have been either of you. And I’m sure that it wasn’t—” 

“I need to be alone,” he interrupted. 

Anakin withdrew his hand from both of her’s and rose to his feet, stalking out of the mess hall and towards his temporary quarters without another word. He ignored the looks he received as he left the mess and traversed through the various hallways, praying to the Force that he could remember how to get to his room on this maze of a Cruiser. 

He was grateful for Padmé. He considered her to be one of the last friends he had left, but her words and presence didn’t bring him solace. 

He had to get away from all of the noise and positivity that was emanating from the soldiers. There were also other Jedi in and around the ship. They were fewer in number and less cheerful given the number of lives lost in the battle, but he could still catch the hints of relief due to making it out alive, or happiness because they supposedly won through the Force. He couldn’t fathom how they felt anything other than sorrow after what had been lost in just one battle.

He felt bad for leaving Padmé in there alone and for snapping at her. He knew that she considered Obi-Wan a good friend, but he hoped she understood that what he needed at that moment wasn’t her false absolution. What he needed, she couldn’t give him. No one could.

What he needed was Obi-Wan.


	2. Meetings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Anakin speaks to an old friend, and Master Plo has an idea...

When Anakin arrived at his temporary room, they were only a few hours into the seven it would take to get back to Coruscant. So he was surprised to hear a knock on his door, followed by the voice of a clone letting him know that they’d completed their journey after what seemed like only a few minutes. Before he left, he glanced down at his new mechanical hand and forearm. That's where he was before he got to the mess hall, getting a prosthetic where part of his right arm should be. It was well put together, he reasoned while flexing his new fingers, but he would definitely be tinkering with it when he got some spare time.

Anakin made his way to a gunship that would drop him off at the Temple. He was dreading what came next. He wanted to apologize to Padmé but knew that he would have to report directly to the High Council before being allowed to do anything else. 

He thanked the troopers that dropped him off then began his trek from the Temple hangar to the High Council chambers. He never enjoyed having to stand in the middle of that unnecessarily large room. It made him feel like his whole being was put on display for the masters to prod and poke at through the Force, able to peer into all of his thoughts and feelings.

Anakin didn’t think he would mind it so much if he couldn’t sense how wary they were of him. He knew from the moment that they accepted him into the Order that they didn’t trust him. The masters did a well enough job of shielding their thoughts from him, but he could see it in the glances that Windu and Yoda would share. He could hear it in the subtle whispers that other masters would give each other while he stood right in front of them. 

The worst part was that since the masters on the Council were wary and cautious around him, it made him a leper to the other Jedi in the Order. If the Council didn’t trust him, then the other knights and masters would have absolutely nothing to do with him. It made for a lonely upbringing. 

The younglings were more curious about him than anything, but few would ever act on their interest. Everyone in the Temple knew of his status as “The Chosen One,” and while this kept the knights and masters on alert, it only amplified the little ones’ curiosity. 

As he neared his destination, he was brought out of his musings by a familiar face stopping in front of him. It was Acacia, a green-skinned Twi’lek girl who was 11 years old and quickly approaching the age to become an apprentice herself. Her dark green eyes contrasted nicely with her much lighter-toned skin.

He met her five years ago when he witnessed three human younglings pulling her by the lekku into an unoccupied training room. He followed them in and broke it up rather quickly. Those younglings were only six years old at the time, so he made quick work of them.

“T-Thank you,” she had said, sounding so small and fragile that he wanted nothing more than to find where those bullies ran off to and take out all of his pent up frustrations on them. She whimpered a little then, sensing his dark thoughts. 

He had forced himself to focus on the here and now, as Master Kenobi had been teaching him to. “You’re welcome. I’m Anakin.”

“I know,” was her response as he helped her up from the ground. “I’m Acacia.”

He noticed that her basic was much less accented than other Twi’leks he had heard speak around the Temple. “Why were they picking on you?” He asked, knowing that there might not be an actual reason but not knowing what else to say to the young girl.

“I’m at the top of my class,” Acacia replied simply. One would think that being Jedi and all, the children would get along and encourage each other. Anakin knew better. He witnessed children the same age as Acacia do unspeakable things on his home planet and was well aware that Jedi or not, kids could be cruel.

“Well, I don’t think they’ll be messing with you again anytime soon, especially after word gets around that I helped you,” he said. That statement didn’t need further clarification. It was a well-known fact that anyone who was associated with Anakin Skywalker got sentenced to eternal isolation. He expected her to hate him for that, to go running back to her clanmates and do her best to denounce any affiliation with “The Chosen One.” He was wrong. They had become decent friends after the incident. Sometimes she would help him study for a big test, and others, he would aid her in practicing her forms. Their meetings were few and far between, but meaningful nonetheless. 

He looked down at her now and couldn’t help but feel proud of her. She was still at the top of her class and would make a great Padawan to a very fortunate master. She sported the traditional outfit provided to younglings at the Temple, and it was just about the only traditional thing about her.

“Good evening, Acacia,” Anakin greeted with a forced half-smile. He hoped that by placing his hands behind his back, she wouldn’t notice his mechanical limb. He would need to get a glove, he thought. Night had already fallen when they arrived planet-side, which would also help in hiding his hand. The darkness outside also emphasized how he felt.

“What’s with the sour mood, Skywalker?” She demanded, placing her hands on her hips and narrowing her eyes. She always did lack tact, something that they shared.

“Were you not informed of what happened on Geonosis?”

“Well, we know that they sent nearly all available Jedi to aid in the battle, but not much else.” She replied, dropping her hands back down to her sides. Anakin knew that hearing of all the lost Jedi would hit her hard. She was part of the Bergruufta Clan. Members of that clan were known for being fiercely loyal; they often felt more intensely than others. He also knew her, and she was likely one of the more emotional younglings in a clan whose members had a reputation for struggling to control their emotions. Anakin had a feeling that he would have been assigned to that same clan had he ever actually been a youngling. 

“We lost a great many Jedi in the fight.” He wasn’t sure of the exact death toll, but he figured it had to surpass 150.

“Oh,” she muttered. Anakin attempted to walk around her and allow her to deal with the fact that many of the faces she was used to seeing around the Temple would never return, but she cut him off again. “There’s more.”

 _Kriff_ , he thought. He should’ve known he would be easy to read in this state. He could only imagine what he felt like to others in the Force right now, even as he attempted to reinforce his mental barriers. “Yes,” he admitted, “Obi-Wan also passed during the battle.” He couldn’t meet her gaze as he spoke of his father figure, whose death he was responsible for.

When the silence became too much, he looked up to see her studying him intently with her eyes and through the Force. “You blame yourself.”

Before he could come up with an excuse so he wouldn’t have to go down that road yet again, his comlink started beeping. He grabbed the noisy object from his waistband and activated it. “Skywalker here.”

“Skywalker, you were given specific instructions to report directly to the Council once returning to the Temple. The ship that brought you back informed us of your arrival 30 minutes ago. Where are you?”

It was Master Windu finding another thing to scold him for, “I apologize, Master Windu, I am on my way and will be there shortly.” 

Acacia finally let him pass but not without giving him a nudge through the Force, letting him know that their conversation was not over. He was thankful that she didn’t have any more verbal protests because he would need all the focus he could garner for this meeting and its contents.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

Mace Windu was known as one of the stricter Jedi Masters in the Order. He was adamant about the Jedi Code and the need to follow it. So his opinion didn’t come as a surprise to the rest of the Council when he voiced it.

“Young Skywalker’s attachment is still a serious problem. He will need more training to learn how to let go. He is not ready for knighthood,” Mace said.

Not one master objected to his statement. Skywalker had just been dismissed after giving his report on what happened in the hangar to the Council. He was told to meditate and rest while the Council deliberated over his future. 

As Skywalker got further and further into his retelling of the events, his mental barriers began to slip. By the end of it, he had tears threatening to fall from his eyes. He tried to maintain an aura of indifference, but it was abundantly clear through the Force that he was suffering greatly. 

“Who will complete his training?” Master Mundi wondered aloud. 

“I believe that I may have a solution to that particular problem,” Plo Koon supplied. “Kight Tano has recently informed me that she considers herself ready to take on an apprentice. She and Padawan Skywalker have worked together many times before. It would be in his best interest to assign him to someone familiar, so the transition is as smooth as possible.”

Mace glanced toward Yoda and met eyes with the Grand Master. When the older Jedi gave a slight nod, Windu sighed and said, “Very well then, after the meeting is adjourned, you may speak to Kight Tano and gather her opinion on your suggestion.”

“Another matter to discuss, there is.” The Grand Master said, speaking for the first time since the session began.

“Yes,” Windu picked up, bringing his right hand up to his chin, a telltale sign that the Jedi Master was deep in thought. “If Dooku has turned to the dark side of the Force and become a Sith Lord, was Darth Maul his apprentice?”

“Mmm. Powerful enough to be the Sith Master, Dooku is not.” Yoda provided, closing his eyes and opening himself up to the Force. “The shroud of the dark side has fallen,” he continued, opening his eyes and peering at the masters sat around the room. “Begun the Clone War has. Remain vigilant we must.” 

Windu knew a dismissal from Yoda when he heard one. He assumed the Grand Master would meditate on the matter and have some much-needed answers by the next meeting.

“This meeting is adjourned.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

Ahsoka made her way through the Temple halls at a quick pace, having a set destination in mind. She locked on to the presence as soon as she made it back to the Temple and followed it to the Archives. Ahsoka let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding when she spotted the familiar form of her former master seated at a table off to the side, deeply immersed in a datapad.

“Master Plo,” she greeted when she reached him with a slight bow of her head. “Are you alright? I heard that you were on Geonosis when—”

“Calm yourself Ahsoka, I am fine,” her former master interrupted while setting the datapad down and looking up at her. “How was your trip to Alderaan?”

“It went well, master, though I’m starting to get tired of being assigned as a bodyguard to senators,” Ahsoka replied, needing to vent some.

“Nonsense little ‘soka, you were the designated head of security due to your propensity for tactical planning,” the Kel Dor corrected, attempting to make being an overqualified bodyguard sound like an honor.

“If you say so, master,” she conceded, knowing that she wouldn’t win that argument. “What were you reading?”

“I was just checking over my written account of what took place on Geonosis,” he replied as he glanced down at the forgotten datapad then back at her. 

“Well, I’ll leave you to it. I just needed to see for myself that you were safe,” Ahsoka then clasped her hands together and made another slight bow. She turned to leave when his voice stopped her.

“There is something that I would like to speak with you about.”

“Yes?” She replied, turning back toward her former master.

“I am sure that you are aware of how great our losses were in that battle?” When she nodded, he continued, “Master Kenobi was among those who perished.”

Ahsoka’s eyes widened at the news. Obi-Wan? She always had much respect for the way he carried himself as a Jedi. He would never hesitate to help her if she was struggling with meditation while Master Plo was away on a mission. She greatly admired the older Jedi and was quite sad to hear of his passing. 

Her eye-markings furrowed as something clicked in her brain, “and Anakin?” 

“That is actually what I wanted to discuss with you,” he said, the markings above her eyes furrowed further as she wondered where this was going. “He is alive and currently recovering from his duel with Count Dooku. If I remember correctly, you told me not long ago that you wanted to take on a Padawan.”

It wasn’t a question, and both of Ahsoka’s eye-markings shot up toward her headdress when she realized what he was implying. “You want me to complete Anakin’s training?”

“I think that it will benefit him if his new master is someone that he is familiar with,” Master Plo explained.

She agreed that it would probably be a lot easier for Anakin if he were assigned to someone he knew rather than a master he was unfamiliar with. She just wasn’t sure if she was the best option. Yes, she was thinking about putting in a request for a Padawan, but she had assumed that he or she would be in their early teens and fresh out of the crèche. Not a 19-year-old who had just lost his master and was supposed to bring balance to the Force. 

“Master, I am honored that you believe I am ready for such a task, but I’m not sure if assigning him to me would be best for him. We are familiar with each other, but we often got into arguments when on missions together,” Ahsoka recalled many different occasions when they were both Padawans in which she and Anakin were nearly captured or worse due to their differing opinions when it came to planning.

“I also seem to recall that nearly every time you and he have been partnered together, the mission was a success,” Master Plo countered. 

He was telling the truth. She and Anakin rarely ever failed an assignment given to them, but they were oftentimes upset with each other by the end of their missions. There was something else about this that was bugging her. “Master, why me? He is just as familiar with you as he is with me. You were present every time we worked together. You’re a Jedi Master, I’ve only been a knight for two years.”

“I feel as though he will respond better to your methods. I believe that you will be able to help him through this arduous time and his future challenges, seeing as you struggled with the same things he does,” he explained. 

She still wasn’t convinced, and her former master must have sensed her hesitation because he spoke again, “Just go and speak with him. See how the conversation goes and then come find me.”

She gave him a skeptical look but nodded and bowed anyway. She turned and walked out of the Archives, hands intertwined in front of her. She had a lot to think about before speaking with Anakin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I just want to say thank you for the kudos and comments on the last chapter! 
> 
> I didn't originally plan on putting Acacia in this story, but she wormed her way in anyway. She won't have a huge role in this fic, but I have things planned for her in the future. 
> 
> Also, I know that Ahsoka's conversation with Master Plo might have seemed a bit formal. My thought was that she is extremely comfortable with him and vice versa, so it isn't necessary, but I think she would do it because of her tremendous respect for him.
> 
> Next chapter Anakin will be heavily in his feels, just a fair warning.
> 
> Sorry that the story is moving a bit slow, that's just how it came to me. I'm really excited to see where it goes and hope you are too!


	3. An Unexpected Visitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Anakin makes a decision and a togruta wasn't supposed to be part of it...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Apologies for the delay. College has started back up so it has cut into my writing time. I will be continuing this story, it will just be updated kind of sporadically.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who has commented, left kudos, or bookmarked so far! It really is encouraging to me since this is the first time I've done this.
> 
> Sorry to keep you, enjoy the chapter!

Anakin did not rest well, if tossing and turning in bed for hours can even be considered resting. He eventually gave up on the idea of sleep and started making adjustments to his new prosthetic. He was situated at the table in the kitchenette of his and Obi-Wan’s shared quarters. Anakin was sure he would be moved out of this apartment soon enough. 

He wondered what the Council would do with him. He put a good amount of thought into it and saw only two plausible options. They could, one, knight him early since a war had just started and they would undoubtedly need all the Jedi they could spare to assist. Or they could, two, assign him to a new master until they believed he was ready to take on the trials. 

Anakin was much fonder of the former option. He believed he had been ready for the trials over a year ago, but Obi-Wan hadn’t seen it that way. He couldn’t imagine being trained by anyone other than the man he saw as a father. 

Anakin placed the tool he was using to tinker with his arm on the table with a deep sigh. No matter what he did, he couldn’t keep his mind off of his failures for more than a few minutes. There were plenty of letdowns to dwell on, his master’s death just so happened to be the freshest, therefore at the front of his mind.

Anakin glanced over at the door leading to Obi-Wan’s room. He got up from the chair he was occupying and his legs started moving toward it before his mind caught up with his actions.

The door opened with a _whoosh_. As Anakin surveyed the room, he couldn’t help but marvel at how his late master kept it so tidy and free of… _things_. He was aware that Jedi weren’t meant to have possessions, but that didn’t stop Anakin from keeping a few mechanical projects scattered around his room. He also kept some models of certain ships on shelves and posters of various pod races on the walls.

With heavy legs, the Padawan walked to the bed in the corner, and without much grace, flopped down onto it face first. The familiar sensation of stinging behind his eyes began once he felt the onslaught of Obi-Wan’s presence lingering in the Force. 

He sat up, flinging his legs over the side of the bed, and hugged the lone pillow to his chest. Anakin felt 9 years old all over again. He often assumed this position when the absence of his mother was especially painful. Obi-Wan would come into his room and give him a Force suggestion that would finally allow him to sleep. Add that to the list of things that he’ll never get to experience again. He buried his nose into the pillow and inhaled Obi-Wan’s scent, trying to get ahold of himself.

This was all becoming too much to bear. First, he lost his mother to those savages on Tatooine and temporarily lost himself. Then, with no real time to grieve that loss, the second most important person in his life died as well. The responsibility of those deaths weighed heavily on his conscience. His fingers tightened around the fabric of the pillow. Some Chosen One he was. Who would he fail next? Padmé? The Chancellor? Acacia?

 _No_ , that could never come to pass. He opened his eyes and saw the room around him trembling, when had he closed them? He took a deep breath and the shaking around him ceased. 

Anakin came to a decision. He couldn’t fail or hurt them if he wasn’t here. Was it his best or most well thought out plan? Not at all, but it would keep those he cared about safe from the disaster magnet that was Anakin Skywalker. 

He laid the pillow gently back on the bed where he found it. Anakin got up and left Obi-Wan’s room, moving with a purpose into his own. 

He would need to gather a few things before he left. He started to make a mental list as he grabbed a pack from his closet. Speaking of his mind, the first thing he did was clamp down on his mental shields. He didn’t need anyone sensing his intentions when he made his way to the hangar, though he doubted many people would be awake yet.

He tossed a few of his mechanical projects into the pack, singling out the ones that he had invested the most time into. He then went to summon his lightsaber from his nightstand only to remember he hadn’t made a new one yet. He’d need to go to Ilum. Anakin was leaving the Order but he wasn’t obtuse. There was a war on whether he left or not and he’d need protection.

He opened up his closet again and grabbed some spare tunics and pants. As soon as he got wherever he was going, he would acquire some new clothes. For now, he just wanted to get far away from the Order and forget everything about it. All it seemed to bring him was pain.

Anakin then made his way to the kitchenette and scooped the tools he had been using earlier off the table and into the pack. He opened up a couple of cabinets to gather some ration packs and water for his journey. After grabbing an appropriate amount of food and water, Anakin zipped up his pack and made for the door, nabbing his robe from the rack on the way out. He pulled the robe on once he got into the hallway, hood down. He wasn’t looking to draw attention. With that, Anakin turned to his left and started in the direction of the hangar.

When he reached his destination he looked around, trying to find a ship that would serve his intended purpose. His eyes landed on a consular-class cruiser. It was big for just one person, but would be comfortable and safe should he need to use it for longer than planned. 

He almost reached the ship when he registered something orange, blue, and white in his peripheral vision. _Great_ , he thought, _this is exactly what I need right now_.

“Anakin, I’m glad I found you,” Ahsoka said as she came to a stop in front of him.

“Master Tano,” Anakin replied with a bow of his head.

“Just Ahsoka, there’s no need for formalities. We’ve known each other for a long time.”

Anakin’s gaze was fixed on the ship behind her. He realized he’d have to engage her in conversation so he didn’t raise suspicion. Ahsoka was no fool, and she knew him which made this challenge that much more difficult. 

“To what do I owe this pleasure, master?” Anakin asked, looking her in the eye and ignoring her request. He would try to make this curt and formal.

“I heard about Obi-Wan,” she replied, her eyes softening. “I wanted to see how you were holding up.”

“That’s funny,” he muttered automatically, shifting his gaze to his boots as he realized what he’d just said. _So much for formal_.

“Why is that funny?” Ahsoka asked with her eyes narrowed. Her tone becoming defensive and challenging.

He was surprised that she heard him until he remembered her montrals were able to pick up on sound much easier than his ears were. Well, he made his bed, time to lie in it. “It’s just that you’ve never wondered how I was doing before, but you and so many others now seem to care because ‘The Chosen One’ might become unhinged.” 

“Anakin, that is not why I asked and you know it. This isn’t the first time I’ve checked up on you. You’re just being confrontational.” Ahsoka’s tone became gentle at the end. She must’ve realized how close he was to imploding. 

“I’ve been better,” he decided to answer her earlier inquiry. He looked back up at her and noticed she had grown some since the last time he saw her. With her montrals she was just a bit taller than him, making it hard to not look into her blue eyes. 

“I know words don’t change anything, but I am sorry for your loss.” She said, her eyes then focused on his shoulder and the pack thrown over it. “You going somewhere?”

He could feel her start to probe him in the Force, trying to get some idea of what he might be thinking. Anakin was glad he had the mind to check and reinforce his shields earlier. He needed to keep her talking instead of poking. “Yeah, I thought I’d go to Ilum and construct a new saber since I lost mine during… you know.” It was a blatant lie, but he figured it sounded better than his actual plan would.

“By yourself?” she asked with a raised eye-marking.

“Yes,” was his lame reply.

“Does the Council know about this?”

Anakin sighed, his eyes lowering and shoulders drooping. “No, they don’t. I just need to get away for a bit. Being cooped up in the space that Obi-Wan and I shared is driving me insane.” 

That time he wasn’t lying. 

“Well, would you mind some company?” his eyes shot up and met hers. He saw only sincerity and concern. He quickly stretched his senses out into the space between them and found her waiting for him. They didn’t share a bond so anything he was sensing, Ahsoka was allowing him to. She was being honest and making sure he knew it.

Regardless of her genuine concern, Anakin knew that she would likely report this to the Council if he said no. Although he didn’t know whether it would be out of worry or obligation, probably both. 

He had no idea why she would want to come. This completely ruined his plan of running, but at least he’d be able to leave Coruscant, if only for a little while. Still, Anakin wasn’t sure she was truly game and he wanted to make sure he exhausted every avenue before giving in to her.

“Mas— _Ahsoka_ , I couldn’t ask you to do that. You’re a knight and if the Council discovered that you—”

“We can worry about that when they find out. Besides, someone has to keep you out of trouble. Come on.” She motioned for him to follow her as she turned on her heel and strode toward the ship he had been eyeing.

He was frozen in place by her persistence. He knew Ahsoka had a certain wildness to her, but he didn’t think she would go on an unsanctioned journey with him and seem so nonchalant about it. 

“You coming?” she asked from the entrance ramp, peering over her shoulder.

“Of course,” he said, quickly walking up and into the ship. The ramp closed with a hiss-click.

 _Well, there’s no turning back now_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The explanation as to why the Force Ahsoka would just go with Anakin will come in the next chapter. We'll see her thought process and what she was doing beforehand.
> 
> Again thank you all for the continued support. I was a reader on AO3 long before I even considered writing and I love this community!!


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